The Undisciplined Mind
An undisciplined mind is not a bad mind.
It’s a busy mind. A bouncy mind. A mind that jumps from thought to thought like a pinball — rarely resting, rarely noticing where it has landed.
Much of our suffering doesn’t come from what happens to us, but from what our mind does with what happens.
The undisciplined mind is often:
Centered on me
Focused on what’s wrong
Busy explaining how others need to change so I can finally feel okay
It sounds like:
Why am I like this?
Why don’t they understand me?
If they would just change, I’d be fine.
These thoughts feel true. They feel urgent. They feel personal.
But they are not the same as reality.
The Cost of Letting the Mind Run the Show
When the mind runs unchecked, it quietly convinces us that happiness is outside of us—that peace depends on other people behaving differently, on the world being more fair, or on us becoming someone else.
This keeps us stuck:
Waiting for others to change
Replaying the past
Predicting the worst
Judging ourselves and everyone else
And while all of that thinking is happening, life is still moving—right past us.
Discipline Is Not Control — It’s Awareness
A disciplined mind is not rigid or forced.
It is aware.
It notices:
Oh, my mind is telling that story again.
It pauses:
I don’t have to follow every thought.
In DBT, this is called Wise Mind—the place where you can observe your thoughts without being swept away by them.
You don’t have to argue with your mind.
You don’t have to believe everything it says.
You simply notice… and choose again.
From “They Need to Change” to “What Can I Do?”
One of the most powerful shifts is this:
From trying to control others
to learning how to respond to your own inner experience.
This doesn’t mean tolerating harm or giving up your needs.
It means reclaiming your agency.
Instead of:
They need to change for me to be okay.
You might gently ask:
What am I needing right now?
What can I do to care for myself in this moment?
What is within my control?
That is where freedom begins.
A Practice
Next time you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts, pause and try:
Name it: “I’m having the thought that…”
Breathe: One slow breath in, one out.
Redirect: “What would Wise Mind choose right now?”
Small moments of awareness add up.
Closing
An undisciplined mind will always pull you toward blame, fear, and self-centered stories.
A disciplined mind gently brings you back—to the present, to your values, to what truly matters.
Not by force.
But by noticing.
And choosing again.
