Building a Life Worth Living (Even When It Hurts)
We spend so much of our lives trying to make the hard parts go away — anxiety, grief, loneliness, shame, fear. It’s only human to want relief. When something hurts, our instinct is to fix it, avoid it, or make it disappear.
But what if the goal isn’t to erase pain?
What if the real work is learning how to live with it — and still move toward what matters most?
This quote from Marsha Linehan has always stayed with me:
“The point is not to get rid of suffering. The point is to live a life worth living in spite of it.”
As a therapist (and as a human being), I see this truth play out again and again. So many people come into therapy believing they must feel better before they can begin living — before they can take risks, build relationships, try something new, or hope for more. But healing rarely works in that order.
We don’t build a meaningful life after the pain is gone.
We build it alongside the pain.
Healing Isn’t About Becoming a Perfect Version of Yourself
Our culture often sends the message that happiness is the finish line:
Once you fix yourself, then you can live. Once you feel confident, calm, or healed, then you can begin.
But this creates an endless waiting room. There is always another feeling to manage, another flaw to correct, another reason to postpone living.
DBT offers a different perspective: you don’t have to be “ready” or “fixed” to move forward. You can be anxious and still apply for the job. You can be grieving and still connect with someone you love. You can feel unsure and still take one small step.
You don’t have to stop hurting to start living.
What a “Life Worth Living” Actually Looks Like
A life worth living doesn’t have to mean constant joy, purpose, or passion. It doesn’t require dramatic transformation or nonstop positivity.
Sometimes it looks very simple:
Cooking yourself a meal when you’d rather skip it
Getting out of bed and showing up to therapy
Taking a slow walk and noticing the air on your face
Sending one honest text
Letting yourself rest without guilt
These moments may not feel extraordinary — but they are acts of courage. They are choices to stay connected to life, even when your mind tells you to pull away.
This is how meaning is built: not in grand gestures, but in small, repeated acts of care.
You Are Not Broken
So many people come into therapy believing they are broken, behind, or failing because they still struggle. But struggling does not mean you are defective. It means you are human.
You don’t have to be fixed to be whole.
You are allowed to build a meaningful life even while carrying pain. You are allowed to hold both: the grief and the hope, the fear and the desire, the sadness and the longing for something more.
That is the heart of a life worth living — not a life without suffering, but a life that makes room for it, and keeps going anyway.
One moment.
One breath.
One small act of courage at a time.
